Remember those six felonies a day that happen in the subway? Well God forbid you have the press the emergency intercom for help, because in the subway, no one can hear you scream. That's because the emergency intercoms, like most everything in the system, take a long time to fix. An average of 11 days, to be specific. Andrew Albert, the riders' representative on the MTA board said, "It's unacceptable. There's a real safety concern."

In the first six-months of the year, there were 1,264 "trouble tickets" issued for faulty intercoms in subway systems and elevators. However, inspections confirmed malfunctions only 350 times, meaning either the subway workers have no idea what they're doing, or people need to make sure they know how to work the damn things before bitching to the MTA.

However, straphangers could easily be convinced that the intercoms aren't working because there aren't many people on the other line. The intercoms are supposed to connect to the station booths, which are becoming increasingly vacant. If nobody answers at the booth, the call gets rerouted to the rail control center. But don't worry, according to this video, emergencies "seldom occur" within the system, and when they do, MTA employees "will be there to keep you informed." And here we thought they'd just stand by and watch.