After yesterday's Radiohead Occupy Wall Street no-show in Zuccotti Park, the protests' now-official spokesman Patrick Bruner sent out an email apologizing for what happened and described it as a "hoax" emanating from an email sent by someone purporting to be one of the band's managers. Everyone on the press email blast received the fake email in question under the words "OFF THE RECORD." However, Norman Mailer's newspaper has published it, so you can decide whether or not the prose is "Radiohead managery" enough.

Our source at this year's Bilderberg conference told us that the Voice was ordered to publish the contents of the email in order to "expose the adorable fatuousness of the proletariat." Attendees voted unanimously to screw with any protest targeting corporate interests that sprung up. "Initially we were going to send a guy pretending to be a rep for Fleet Foxes and Bon Iver, but we decided to really punch these jobless Chaco-wearing mace-eaters in the gut." He added, "We'd recommend those who are upset with the status quo to just relax. Watch some episodes of New Girl. Nothing will ever change," before climbing into the $330,000 Bentley he paid the New York Times to favorably review.