[UPDATE BELOW] Were the chips on the floor already, or did they tumble from her hand as she rummaged in her purse for her chapstick or phone? Is the origin of the chips even important? "Oh don't eat those, those are a stranger's chips," becomes a moot point, like "Don't lick that toilet bowl, it's not even our toilet!" or "Don't drink that putrefying gutter water, I just threw my gum in it!"


Video by @missmarymassey

Act 1: Prep We see first her long, elegant arm, sweeping the Floor Chips into a pile, her fingers gently raking at the fallen crumbs so as not to further crush them. She approaches the task with care, employing a caress so gentle she might have been brushing together the scattered beads of a beloved heirloom necklace and not the leftover scraps of a 50 cent gas station snack smashed into the train floor.

Act 2: The Transfer The pile successfully formed, she grips the Floor Chips in her paw, lifting them to her eager maw without a moment's hesitation, leaving no time to ponder important philosophical questions like "Do germs have calories?" and "Tongue chlamydia: real or no?"

Act 3: Elation That face! Head tilted back, she dumps the Floor Chips down her gullet, eyes closed in rapture as the microbe-seasoned feast dances upon her taste buds. She slurps greedily at the palm of her hand, savoring each morsel of her bacteria-infested meal.

"Those are good?" someone asks before the video ends. What kind of foolish question is that?

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Still from video by @missmarymassey

Update, 1:26 p.m.: According to tipster "miss Mary Massey," the chips weren't even the first thing Our Hero ate that evening—it was, by the way, around 8:30 p.m. on a Friday. No, the filming only became necessary after the video's star devoured a mouthful of U.S. currency:

"I started recording her after she ate a $5 bill off the floor and when I asked her if she was OK, she asked me if I "knew who she was," Massey tells us. "Her friend that was with her was also straddling the guy next to her on the train. Way too turnt up for a Friday at 830!!"